Thursday, February 13, 2014

Blue Or Pink, What Do You Think?

 Morning ladies!  What I am going to talk about today I was very hesitant to post at first.  I received an email from an expecting mom last night that read “How do I deal with the disappointment that I am having a boy?  I feel like a horrible mom because I have a healthy baby and all I can think about is how badly I wanted a girl.  I am not sure what to do.”  After reading this email I was incredibly hesitant to respond publicly because it would mean I would have to admit that I too had this same feeling.  When I found out I was pregnant with my first pregnancy we found out late enough that we knew we were having a baby girl.  I was beyond thrilled.  Unfortunately, after losing my first baby I was faced with the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to have any children according to different doctors.  After finding out my husband and I were pregnant again we could not have been happier.  Due to the fact that I was high risk, I had more ultrasounds than the average.  I had an ultrasound at 16 weeks where I was told I was having a girl, then, at 18 weeks I was in the hospital with kidney stones and had an ultrasound done on my kidneys.  The tech was so sweet and took a look at the baby to lift my spirits and again I was told I was having a baby girl.  Two weeks later I went in for my anatomy ultrasound and there was so much kicking happening it was hard to get a glimpse of anything! So tentatively I was told girl again.  Needless to say, after 3 confirmations that I was having a girl I went pink crazy.  My entire registry was pink, my husband and I bought little girl clothes, we had the names picked out and got things engraved, and we had the nursery all planned out.  At 26 weeks, I went in for one of those really awesome 3D ultrasounds.  When I went in I was asked if I knew what I was having and I said yes and we proceeded.  As we proceeded the tech said “He looks great.”  I was in absolute shock!  After this I went home and I cried.  My mind was so set on having a baby girl that I couldn’t see that boy or girl I had a beautiful healthy baby growing inside me.  I felt depressed at the thought of having a boy and it pains me to even type this because I am so in love with my son, but at the time I had this overwhelming anxiety about having a boy and believe it or not I was actually disappointed.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was not alone in feeling this way. I felt like the worst mother in the world and could not understand how I was actually disappointed when I had this gorgeous baby in my belly.  I want any mom who has this anxiety to know that you are not alone.  What I can tell you is, when you have that baby in your arms you won’t be worried about boy or girl.  Pray for a happy and healthy baby.  That is what is important.  To quote a good friend of mine who was with me in dealing with my disappointment, “it is an instant love affair.”  There is nothing in the world like holding that beautiful baby boy or girl and you will know when you are there.  I am more in love with my son than I could ever imagine.  He is a blessing from God and I was not meant to be a mom to a little girl right now.  Maybe in the future, but for now God gave me a beautiful, healthy and happy baby boy.  Take what you have been given as a blessing from God.  It is okay to feel slight disappointment at first but don’t dwell on it too much because what is important is that you have a happy, healthy baby.
I hope this helped you a little bit.  Believe me when I tell you, holding that baby is the most amazing thing in the world and nothing else will matter from that point on.

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