Miscarriage -- My Story

Today is a special day for me.  A year ago today was the due date for my little girl, Aurora Rose.  In October of last year my husband and I went to the doctor’s for a prenatal visit.  After having some bleeding and discomfort we had an ultrasound to learn there was no heartbeat.  We had just found out we were going to be having a baby girl.  It was probably one of the most difficult things my husband and I have ever dealt with.  It was a very traumatizing experience and took time to heal.  After that, I needed to find out more information to really understand miscarriages.  I had been told so many things from different people and doctors as to why this happened and what it meant for me and my husband in the future.  I needed to know more.  I hope to share some of my knowledge with y’all and to comfort any woman who has gone through a miscarriage.

Something I couldn’t quite wrap my head around was why this happened.  What caused this?  I went through so many emotions and feelings.  I questioned myself everyday for a long time.  What did I do wrong?  Is there anything I could have done?  The truth is half of first-trimester miscarriages are thought to be random events caused by chromosomal irregularity in the fertilized egg. The egg or sperm had the wrong number of chromosomes resulting in a fertilized egg that can't develop normally.

Sometimes a miscarriage is caused by problems that happen during early development; such as: an egg that doesn't implant properly.  Most of the time, it is difficult to really pinpoint the exact reasoning behind a miscarriage, even with a full work up.

Any woman can have a miscarriage but there are some factors that put women at higher risk.

• Age 
• A history of miscarriages
• Chronic diseases or disorders
• Uterine or cervical problems
• Genetic defects 
• Infections
• Smoking 
• Drinking
• Drug use
• Certain medications
• Diagnostic genetic testing

It is so important to listen to your body.  Some women, like myself, who may not have all the proper knowledge and don’t want to be alarmists let things go.  If something doesn’t feel right, under no circumstance should you overlook it.  One of the first signs of a miscarriage is vaginal bleeding or spotting.  This is tricky because for some women, bleeding or spotting is experienced with a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy.  You may notice abdominal cramping associated with the vaginal bleeding.  No matter what if you experience bleeding or pain call your doctor or midwife so they can do proper testing and determine what is going on.

Miscarriages are a loss and women need proper grieving.  It is so important to remember that it is not your fault.  I know how difficult it is to having an overwhelming sense of guilt, that maybe you could have done something different that would have prevented it.  The truth is, you couldn’t.  My way of viewing it, which isn’t for everyone, but in my eyes, God had a plan for Aurora Rose, her job was to help my body prepare for my son Bradley Michael.  I had irregular periods, barely ovulated, and was told by 7 different doctors I could never have kids.  After my miscarriage, 5 months later I was pregnant with my son.  Since, I have had a regular period every month.  Something else that will help in coping with your loss is find support.  So many other women out there are experiencing what you are and there is no reason it should not be discussed.  You shouldn’t feel shame or embarrassment, which I felt afterwards.  Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who understand what you are going through.  The most difficult part for me was understanding that my husband didn’t grieve the same way that I did, but it was just as much a loss for him as it was for me.  Because he didn’t have the same connection to the baby that I did, I just felt it didn’t matter as much to him and I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Lean on each other and remember your partner is hurting just as much.

It is okay to be scared but don’t think that just because you had one miscarriage means you can’t have kids. Wait a little bit and ty again.  Take the time you need to heal and deal with your loss.  Remember you are not alone.