Paternal Postnatal Depression

I have discussed with y’all Postpartum Depression and how pregnant moms can experience this or other postpartum disorders; but, what about dad?  Since the baby’s father was not physically pregnant, can he experience Postpartum Depression?

The answer is yes!  Just as you, your partner can experience the baby blues, Postpartum Depression, and other postpartum disorders.  This is called Paternal Postnatal Depression.

What is Paternal Postnatal Depression?

Paternal Postnatal Depression is a severe depression in the weeks after bringing your new baby home from the hospital.  We often forget about daddy because physically there really is not change.  Dads are not physically pregnant and we do forget that there are hormonal changes happening for the men as well as us.  Along with any hormonal changes, some dads struggle with the reality of parenthood just as we might.  Let’s face it...as wonderful and joyous as being a parent is...it is incredibly scary.  For some men, these fears and responsibilities can be too overwhelming.

What are the signs and symptoms of Paternal Postnatal Depression?

The signs and symptoms of Paternal Postnatal Depression may vary man to man.  The signs and symptoms look different for that of Postpartum Depression.  You definitely may see some similar symptoms but there are a few differences.

You may see your partner struggle with:

• Irritability
• Isolation and withdrawal from relationships
• Working more or less as means to distract
• Low Energy
• Fatigue
• Low motivation
• Unable to focus
• Changes in weight or appetite
• Impulsive behavior
• Substance abuse (alcohol, pills...etc)
• Headaches
• Muscle aches
• Stomach (G.I) issues
• Anger outbursts
• Violent Behavior
• Suicidal Thoughts

What causes Paternal Postnatal Depression?

There are a number of reasons your partner may be experiencing Paternal Postnatal Depression.

Sleep deprivation -- As any new parents knows, when you bring that baby home, even with an amazing baby who sleeps through the night, you no longer will.  Sleep has now become a privilege for you.  It is seriously underestimated how sleep can effect and exacerbate the symptoms of anxiety or depression.

Adjustment to Parenthood --As I said before, most amazing, incredible, yet terrifying thing in your life, and your life will be changed forever.  Being a parent takes so much compromise and adjustment for you and your partner.  It can be overwhelming, which is totally normal.

Family History of Depression -- As with any medical issue, with a personal or family history, you are already at higher risk.

Hormones -- There have been studies that have shown, just because daddy isn’t physically pregnant, does not mean his internal is not going through changes.  These studies have shown that dad’s hormone levels change just as mom’s do.  Testosterone decreases and estrogen increases.  Lower testosterone in men is associated with depression.  

A Depressed Momma -- If your partner is depressed and you feel helpless it can often bring you down in the dumps as well.

Relationship Stress -- Let’s not sugar coat...relationships are hard! When you add in factors like...a baby, where you are not sleeping, now you are forced to make these decisions together that you never had to before, yes it make it even more difficult.  Having a baby does put stress on a relationship because now you have added in so many factors to your relationship that were not there before; finances are now increased, sleep is now decreased, communication will be more difficult because you will be so busy, these factors all can add stress to a relationship.

Not feeling included with your baby and/or partner -- Your partner wants to be included in all the experience; however, because they did not undergo the physical as you did, it can make your partner feel like an outsider.  Moms don’t always realize that they are excluding their partner from being a part of their baby.  I am guilty of this myself.  I used to think I was just helping my husband by doing everything because he worked and I didn’t want him to feel like he worked all day, then came home and worked more.  This was a big mistake and I am glad we dealt with it early on.  Taking care of your baby is not work for your partner.  Let him in on things, changing diapers, feeding, all the fun things that go by all too quick.

There are so many other factors that take part in Paternal Postnatal Depression.  If your family is under financial stress or your family has recently dealt with a loss or disaster, this can also lead to exacerbating the depression.

How is Paternal Postnatal Depression dealt with?

As we all know...admitting things can be difficult for men.  It is hard for anyone to face that there may be an issue.  The reality is, it is sometimes hard for a person to see for themselves that there is an issue.  Paternal Postpartum Depression is not as known about.  It is more common than you may think, but there is not much discussion out there on the subject.  There are a few things you can do to help in dealing with Paternal Postnatal Depression.

Come to terms with the issue.  As I said before, in general people don’t always recognize there is a problem, it may take an outsider to notice.  Once you and your partner are on the same page about the issue, you can move forward in dealing with it.

Surround yourself with positive support.  Letting your family and friends know what is going on will be beneficial for you.

Sleep!  You will need sleep in order to function and communicate properly with your partner.  You and your partner should work out some kind of schedule to be sure each of you get a nap in.

Communicate with your partner about being involved with the baby.  If your partner is breastfeeding, talk to her about expressing milk so you could feed the baby a bottle once a day.  Help with tubby time.  Get a routine with your baby.  Maybe at night you rock with the baby and read him or her a story.

Go on a date! You need alone time.  At first it will be difficult, but do your best to get yourselves out of the house together.  Even if you just take a quick walk, anything will help.  Try to talk about fun things that don’t pertain to baby, finances, or anything super stressful.  

Be patient with your relationship.  Sex is the most common downfall for couples post baby. Be patient and considerate of your partner.  It  will get better, but be patient and communicate about it.

Talk to your healthcare provider.  We are so lucky that there is so much help offered now.  There are so many options for you if you may be struggling.  It it also a good ideal to try out Couples Therapy, especially if both of you are depressed or you feel the depression is really weighing on the relationship.

Postpartum Something

As I have discussed with y’all, there are some things you want to be on the look out for once you have delivered your baby.  When all the dust settles, the visiting decreases, the meals stop coming, and it is now just you, your partner, and your new baby, the baby blues may set in.  It does not happen to everyone, I am so thankful to have skipped over the baby blues, the postpartum depression and all the glory that comes with it.  I was recalling my first few weeks home with our new baby and thinking back about my experience.  Though I did not have postpartum depression, I had postpartum something...there are more things to be on the look out for than just postpartum depression.  Between the hormones, the lack of sleep, and the overall adjustment of life as you know it, it is perfectly natural to experience some form of emotional vulnerability.  For some women, a good nights rest, a hot shower, and a home cooked meal will do the trick; however, for some women, nothing helps.

When nothing is seeming to help, and you have symptoms of postpartum depression.  Click here to see more on postpartum depression.  If the symptoms are similar but not quite the same, it is possible you could be suffering from postpartum anxiety or postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder.

What is postpartum anxiety?

The definition for anxiety is feeling worried, nervous, or unsettled about something, an event or situation.  I have never had anxiety in my life. Ever. My mom and dad always say I cause anxiety, I don’t have it.  After having my son, I have had serious anxiety.  The stress of a new baby can bring on anxiety.  In my own life, my anxiety is postpartum situational anxiety brought on my dealing with family stress.  My husband and I were faced with many difficult challenges involving his family that has now caused me to have serious anxiety.  It stemmed from our son being born and the issues with them on top of our newborn was too much for me.  If you are having intense feelings of worry or panic about your baby or even in general after birth, it is very possible you could have postpartum anxiety disorder.  This anxiety will come up within the first 2 or 3 weeks of being home.  Some women have some symptoms that mimic postpartum depression, but not all.

Symptoms of this anxiety are:

• Irritability
• Restlessness
• Agitation
• Chest pains or discomfort
• Feeling like you can not catch your breath
• Dizziness
• Tingling in hands or feet
• Trembling and shaking
• Sweating
• Faintness
• Hot or cold flashes
• Fear of dying

If you are experiencing any of the above call your doctor or midwife immediately.  

What is postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Obsessive compulsive disorder is recurring fear that will lead you to do repetitive behavior, literally compulsions.  To an outsider the compulsion may seem incredibly extreme, but not necessarily to the person suffering.  Someone who suffers from OCD sees danger everywhere, leading them to extreme compulsive behavior to protect from whatever the danger is they feel could be harmful to them.  Postpartum OCD is opposite of postpartum depression.  Women who have postpartum OCD live in constant fear of something bad happening to their baby, far beyond the normal worries new mommies may have, contrary to a women with postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis.

If you find you are constantly thinking about violent thoughts happening to your baby, you may have postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder. These thoughts will come up randomly in the first couple weeks after giving birth.

What causes these postpartum disorders?

There is no single thing that can be held accountable for any of the postpartum disorders I have mentioned.  It is truly a combination of hormonal, environmental, psychological, and genetics. 

What can I do to be less at risk?

Of course the number one thing you must do is call your doctor or midwife if you experience any symptoms that make you feel you may have any of the above.  That being said, there are definitely some things you can do to help your be less at risk with postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD:

Take care of you. Try to get rest any time that you can and keep a good diet. 

Lower your expectations.  Don’t expect too much of yourself.  If you have clinical depression, anxiety, or OCD, it takes every ounce of your energy just too get up and showered everyday.  You should not expect anything of yourself and feel guilty because of how you are feeling.  Rather than have expectations of yourself, you should set goals for yourself and go a little bit at a time.

Ask for help. Part of being a good momma is knowing when to ask for help.  Don't be proud or afraid of asking for help.  In order to get better, family support and help from friends is a huge part.

Talk it out.  Have someone who you can confide in and talk to them about how you are feeling.  Joining groups with postpartum depression, anxiety or OCD is a huge help.  Women don’t realize quite how many other women are experiencing the same feelings.

Get yourself outside. Get a stroller, put your baby in a stroller and get outside!  Fresh air is the best thing for you and your baby.  It is not good to be cooped up in the house, that will just fuel the fire.

How can I help my partner during her postpartum period?

The postpartum period is just as difficult for the daddy too. Simply be there for whatever she may need.  Do a bit of research to understand what she may be going through and try not to be judgmental.  Just remember that you can not fix this.  The only thing you can do is be supportive.  She will need to seek the proper help from her doctor or midwife.  If you notice some things are off about your partner but she is not seeing for herself and you think that may be signs and symptoms of postpartum depression, anxiety or OCD call her doctor or midwife and discuss what you should do.

Postpartum Depression

During pregnancy you are get yourself amped up for the big day and beyond.  There is so much anticipation and excitement leading up to becoming a new mommy and daddy.  I have had some people ask me a few questions about what they can expect for their first few weeks home from the hospital.  One momma sent me an email asking me all about postpartum depression.  She is about 22 weeks pregnant and has a concern that she will have postpartum depression because her mom had it after delivery.  There are a ton of questions about postpartum depression that women are looking into during their pregnancy.  I hope to answer a few!

What is the difference between “the baby blues” and postpartum depression?

“The baby blues” is something more common than mommas think.  You normally begins to see symptoms a few days after giving birth.  “The baby blues” happens because of the hormonal changes in your body happening post birth.  The symptoms include: 

• mood swings
• sadness
• crying spells
• trouble sleeping
• irritability
• changes in appetite
• trouble concentrating

All of the symptoms are perfectly normal post delivery.  They should last from 1 to 2 weeks.  It is when your symptoms last longer than this that you want to discuss it a bit further with your doctor or midwife.  

Postpartum Depression is a severe depression with some symptoms similar to “the baby blues”.  At first it is hard to decipher postpartum depression from “the baby blues” because of the similarity in the symptoms.  With postpartum depression you can have similar symptoms to “the baby blues” such as:

• mood swings
• crying spells 
• sadness
• difficulty sleeping
• irritability

The difference comes in when the symptoms become destructive to your life as a new momma.  You may find some other symptoms with postpartum depression such as:

• neglectful of your baby
• negative feelings towards your baby
• concern you will hurt your baby
• disregard for yourself
• constant exhaustion
• feelings of worthlessness
• constant guilt
• changes in appetite
• weight loss or weight gain
• recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

Is postpartum depression genetic?  What causes postpartum depression?

There are many factors that put you at a higher risk for postpartum depression.  Just because your mom had it with her children does not necessarily mean you will have it with yours.  Some things that put you at risk are:

• history of depression
• history of severe PMS
• medical complications for you or your baby during pregnancy and/or delivery
• stressful relationships
• lack of support from family and/or friends

A difficult relationship with your baby fathers or difficult family relationships will add a great deal of unnecessary stress to the already stressful new mommyhood.  This can add fuel to the fire if you are already at risk for postpartum depression.  You are also dealing with so many changes to your body after you have delivered your baby.  You may be in severe pain and discomfort and may feel unattractive with your new post baby body which can add to feelings of depression.  One of the biggest causes of postpartum depression is the drop in estrogen and progesterone.  This drop can lead to depression.

Can I prevent postpartum depression from happening to me?  How?

There are some things to do to help you ease into motherhood and keep the stress levels down.

Get sleep.  Rest as much as possible.  When your baby sleeps, you should take advantage of the time and get a little cat nap in.

Set time for you.  Talk to your partner about having some time for yourself, even if it is just to take a shower.  Have a little bit of alone time to just decompress after your long day with your baby.  Get a schedule going with your partner that allows you that time.

Get fresh air.  Taking your baby out for a stroll is the best thing for the both of you.  Some fresh air really makes the difference with helping your post delivery recovery.  There is nothing like fresh air to help a baby sleep.  Of course you can’t bring your baby out in 20 degree weather so if you have a winter baby do your best to have lights on open the shades to let the light in.

Exercise.  It is so important to be active.  It will help keep the endorphins flowing and improve any depression you may be feeling.  Studies have proven that exercise is a wonderful medicine for any depression.

Surround yourself with love and support.  Keep out any negativity!  Whether it is your in-laws or someone down the street...keep yourself surrounded with the people who will love, support and care for you.  There is no need to have any negativity around you or your beautiful family.  Negativity from outsiders will not only add to postpartum depression but it can also cause problems between you and your partner.  It is best to nip it in the bud before it starts and make a healthy choice not to be around it.

Share your feelings.  Set some time for a date night with your partner at least once a week when you and your partner can talk about how you are feeling about the new exciting things happening in your life.

Ask for help.  It is totally okay to ask for help if you are feeling overwhelmed.  Being overwhelmed doesn’t make you a bad mommy.  It is part of motherhood. 

Breastfeed.  Breastfeeding, like exercise, releases endorphins and keeps the sprits up.  it does wonders for your body and your baby.  It is natural and your body's reaction to delivering a baby,