25 Tips For Daddy

We all hear about and talk about the things you didn’t know as an expecting mom, but, what about the things you didn’t know as an expectant dad?  There can never be enough information to share about learning to be a parent.  You never truly get your masters in the field because your kids will keep you constantly learning.  When my husband and I were expecting we did not have a clue!  You will be experiencing a whole heap of firsts as you enter into daddyhood.  The most important rule, is to have fun! Life is tough enough...make every and any experience as fun as you possibly can for you and your partner and soak in every second.

That being said, there are some unexpected points it could be helpful for all you daddies to have in the back of your head.  My husband will be the first to tell y’all that nothing will truly prepare you for what’s in store...but every bit helps!

Let’s begin!

1. Add the baby to your health insurance ASAP.  Do it before the baby is born, do not wait until the last minute.  You will have roughly 30 days with the baby covered from the date of birth, but it is best to make sure that is in order.
2. While registering, be sure you and your partner are on the same page for what is necessary and what is unnecessary. Arguing with a pregnant woman in the middle of a baby store is never good.
3. Bottle warmers seem silly when you can just put the bottle in a bowl of hot water, but when your baby is screaming for milk, the last thing you want to do is wait 15 to 20 minutes for the bottle to warm up in a bowl of hot water.  Bottle warmers have the bottle at the perfect temperature in 3 minutes.  Invest. You will use this a great deal in the first couple of months.
4. You probably do not need a portable changing pad; however, invest in something that will fit in your diaper bag to change the baby on.  Getting poop on a beautiful rug at someone else’s house is very unpleasant. 
5. Baby proof your home prior to the baby being born.  Just 3 months ago I was saying how much time we had and now our son is crawling and attempting to walk... we had to invest in a DVD cabinet with doors because our baby’s favorite thing is to go over to the shelf and take all the DVDs off.  It goes by fast.
6. Amazon will be your best friend.  There will be so many things you will need and in bulk the best route...Amazon.
7. Get a baby swing.
8. Get a Jumperoo.
9. Get a walker.
10. Get an exersaucer.
11. Get a play yard.
12. Once your little one is born, you should come to terms with the fact that you will be wearing more bodily fluids from your baby than ever before, and you will be doing laundry like you have a household of 7 when it is just you, your sweetie, and your baby.
13. Don’t hold the baby when you are all dressed for work...especially of the baby has just been fed.  You will wear vomit well, and won’t care.
14. In your first week of changing your baby’s diaper you will get pooped on and peed on at least once.  For little boys, they have impeccable aim.  You could invest in a Pee Weeblock if you need some extra coverage.
15. Word to the wise...such a cute baby but nasty, nasty filled diapers!  You will spend a lot of time wondering how such an adorable little one can produce that.  Plug your nose.
16. You will not sleep.  Even if you start to fall asleep, chances are your partner or baby will be waking you up.  Do your best to get some shut eye when the baby is napping.
17. Share feedings with your partner.  Maybe you can alternate if the baby is not sleeping through the night.  If you baby is sleeping through the night, have one of you take night feeding and the other take morning feeding.  This way one of you can go to bed earlier and the other will get up earlier. This should help you each get a bit of sleep.
18. Deactivate your gym membership and invest in INSANITY or P90X.  My poor husband asks me all the time if he can go to the gym.  There is always so much to do by the time he gets home that it is too late by the time he is free to go.  Get a workout DVD and you can do it in your living room for 20 minutes, get a good workout and be there for your partner.
19. Make sure you have some good babysitters lined up.  You will need some one on one time, even if your partner isn’t ready, do all you can to push her while still being sensitive to her.
20. Learn the art of baby talk.  You will look and sound ridiculous, and will not care.
21. The first time your baby poops during a bath will be an experience.  Enjoy the laughter.
22. You may need a mini freezer for milk.  Not kidding.  Empty your freezer and make room for the breast milk that is about to take over.  Make sure you clearly label all the breast milk and possibly make a note of what you had to eat the day before and day of.  This way when your baby is spitting up and has gas all night, you will know why.
23. TAKE VIDEOS OF EVERYTHING! We are so lucky now to have our Iphone’s at hand and can quickly video those adorable moments.  They go by much to fast and you can’t get them back.
24. Don’t forget about your partner once the baby is here.  This goes both ways.  Mommas and Daddas need attention from each other, too.  Be patient with each other. Laugh together and cherish each moment.
25. Remember, this too shall pass.

Postpartum Something

As I have discussed with y’all, there are some things you want to be on the look out for once you have delivered your baby.  When all the dust settles, the visiting decreases, the meals stop coming, and it is now just you, your partner, and your new baby, the baby blues may set in.  It does not happen to everyone, I am so thankful to have skipped over the baby blues, the postpartum depression and all the glory that comes with it.  I was recalling my first few weeks home with our new baby and thinking back about my experience.  Though I did not have postpartum depression, I had postpartum something...there are more things to be on the look out for than just postpartum depression.  Between the hormones, the lack of sleep, and the overall adjustment of life as you know it, it is perfectly natural to experience some form of emotional vulnerability.  For some women, a good nights rest, a hot shower, and a home cooked meal will do the trick; however, for some women, nothing helps.

When nothing is seeming to help, and you have symptoms of postpartum depression.  Click here to see more on postpartum depression.  If the symptoms are similar but not quite the same, it is possible you could be suffering from postpartum anxiety or postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder.

What is postpartum anxiety?

The definition for anxiety is feeling worried, nervous, or unsettled about something, an event or situation.  I have never had anxiety in my life. Ever. My mom and dad always say I cause anxiety, I don’t have it.  After having my son, I have had serious anxiety.  The stress of a new baby can bring on anxiety.  In my own life, my anxiety is postpartum situational anxiety brought on my dealing with family stress.  My husband and I were faced with many difficult challenges involving his family that has now caused me to have serious anxiety.  It stemmed from our son being born and the issues with them on top of our newborn was too much for me.  If you are having intense feelings of worry or panic about your baby or even in general after birth, it is very possible you could have postpartum anxiety disorder.  This anxiety will come up within the first 2 or 3 weeks of being home.  Some women have some symptoms that mimic postpartum depression, but not all.

Symptoms of this anxiety are:

• Irritability
• Restlessness
• Agitation
• Chest pains or discomfort
• Feeling like you can not catch your breath
• Dizziness
• Tingling in hands or feet
• Trembling and shaking
• Sweating
• Faintness
• Hot or cold flashes
• Fear of dying

If you are experiencing any of the above call your doctor or midwife immediately.  

What is postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Obsessive compulsive disorder is recurring fear that will lead you to do repetitive behavior, literally compulsions.  To an outsider the compulsion may seem incredibly extreme, but not necessarily to the person suffering.  Someone who suffers from OCD sees danger everywhere, leading them to extreme compulsive behavior to protect from whatever the danger is they feel could be harmful to them.  Postpartum OCD is opposite of postpartum depression.  Women who have postpartum OCD live in constant fear of something bad happening to their baby, far beyond the normal worries new mommies may have, contrary to a women with postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis.

If you find you are constantly thinking about violent thoughts happening to your baby, you may have postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder. These thoughts will come up randomly in the first couple weeks after giving birth.

What causes these postpartum disorders?

There is no single thing that can be held accountable for any of the postpartum disorders I have mentioned.  It is truly a combination of hormonal, environmental, psychological, and genetics. 

What can I do to be less at risk?

Of course the number one thing you must do is call your doctor or midwife if you experience any symptoms that make you feel you may have any of the above.  That being said, there are definitely some things you can do to help your be less at risk with postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD:

Take care of you. Try to get rest any time that you can and keep a good diet. 

Lower your expectations.  Don’t expect too much of yourself.  If you have clinical depression, anxiety, or OCD, it takes every ounce of your energy just too get up and showered everyday.  You should not expect anything of yourself and feel guilty because of how you are feeling.  Rather than have expectations of yourself, you should set goals for yourself and go a little bit at a time.

Ask for help. Part of being a good momma is knowing when to ask for help.  Don't be proud or afraid of asking for help.  In order to get better, family support and help from friends is a huge part.

Talk it out.  Have someone who you can confide in and talk to them about how you are feeling.  Joining groups with postpartum depression, anxiety or OCD is a huge help.  Women don’t realize quite how many other women are experiencing the same feelings.

Get yourself outside. Get a stroller, put your baby in a stroller and get outside!  Fresh air is the best thing for you and your baby.  It is not good to be cooped up in the house, that will just fuel the fire.

How can I help my partner during her postpartum period?

The postpartum period is just as difficult for the daddy too. Simply be there for whatever she may need.  Do a bit of research to understand what she may be going through and try not to be judgmental.  Just remember that you can not fix this.  The only thing you can do is be supportive.  She will need to seek the proper help from her doctor or midwife.  If you notice some things are off about your partner but she is not seeing for herself and you think that may be signs and symptoms of postpartum depression, anxiety or OCD call her doctor or midwife and discuss what you should do.

Anticipated Newborn Stress

Couples are so excited to become parents and during the pregnancy into the first weeks home are just enthralled with what is going on.  We call this the “honeymoon phase”.  As I am sure you have heard, with anything that is eventually hard work, there is a “honeymoon phase”.  Then reality sets in.

Having a baby brings up so many things that you never had to worry about with your partner before.  There are decisions that need to be made and it is important to be on the same page with your partner.  So many couples feel invincible to the stress that will come with the baby.  I am so guilty of this!! I was convinced we wouldn’t have any stress and we’d be on the same page about everything.  Of course, I was seriously mistaken.  We are dealing with so much, from finances, to folding the baby’s laundry differently!  There are so many details that you don’t realize you will be facing when you are raising a baby together. Here are just some tips that help me and my husband get through the monotonous days and sleepless nights.

Have empathy for your partner and be thoughtful.  At times you may forget that they are experiencing what you are and it is so important to be understanding to how they are feeling.  Try your best to remember that they may be stressed to and be thoughtful.  Doing little things for your partner just to let them know you are thinking of them is something my husband and I do.  He brings a rose home after work if he knows I had a tough day or I will bake him something he loves.  Just something a bit thoughtful to show you are thinking of them.

Be conscious of your attitude.  When you lack sleep, as most couples are in the first weeks with a newborn, you may get a bit testy.  Be aware of those little things you do that may seem negative.  Try not to make faces, or roll your eyes when your partner says something. 

Have patience with your partner.  Do your best not to lose your temper if something comes up.  Try to avoid snapping at your partner over silly insignificant things.  There are many minute details with a baby that don’t matter that can add fuel to the fire.  Keep it in perspective.

Attempt to rest.  Do your best to get on a schedule with your partner that will allow you both to get in a bit of added rest.  Maybe you do the night time feeding and let him go to sleep earlier and maybe he does the morning feeding so you can rest a bit in the morning.

Keep the lines of communication open.  Make sure you make time to discuss the important things going on like finances, or future plans with the baby.  Talking in the key for relationships! 

Try to make time for intimacy.  This doesn’t necessarily mean sex.  Intimacy is a number of things.  Communication about deep feelings is a form of intimacy. It doesn’t hurt to make time for sex either.  Though incredibly difficult with a new baby.  Snuggling, talking, make time for each other.

These are just some tips I can offer based on my own life and my own relationship.  Things are stressful and hard work with a new baby.  Remember it does get better and enjoy every second!