Braxton Hicks Or The Real Deal

During pregnancy your body is doing so many things to prepare you for labor.  You made have heard of something called Braxton Hicks which is a big way for your body to prepare for labor.  A question among so many expecting women is, “What is the difference between Braxton Hicks and the real thing?”

Braxton Hicks contractions are “practice contractions” that you may be feeling during your third trimester.  Some women experience them as early as the second trimester.  Braxton Hicks are a tightening of the uterus that can last anywhere from 30 second to 2 minutes.  They are inconsistent and unpredictable.  There are a number of things that will cause Braxton Hicks contractions to happen.

What Braxton Hicks feels like:

• Tightening of the uterus
• Inconsistent
• Unpredictable
• Uncomfortable

Causes of Braxton Hicks:

• An active baby
• An active mommy
• Touching the bump
• Sexual Intercourse
• Dehydration

How to relieve Braxton Hicks:

• Drink some water - stay hydrated
• Change your position
• Lie on your opposite side
• Go for a walk
• Take a warm bath

Real contractions are consistent and will gain intensity as time goes by and being to get closer together.  They come in intervals that will last from 30 seconds to about a 1 minute.  Nothing will relieve real contractions, position changes, drinking water, none of the tricks will help.  Real contractions are a bit more painful than Braxton Hicks contractions.  They may be in your back as well as your abdomen.

When to call your doctor or midwife:

• You have contractions every 5 minutes consistently for 1 hour
• Increased pressure in your pelvis or vagina
• Contraction strength is immense (unable to walk or talk through them)
• Abdominal cramping
• Fluid leak
• Nausea/Vomiting/Diarrhea

If you are experiencing the above, you are most likely in real labor!

If you find that something is going on and you are unsure, call your doctor or midwife!  They can tell you if you are experiencing a false alarm or if you need to proceed to the hospital.

Epidural Or Not?

So many women have concerns about the pain associated with labor and delivery.  When it is your first time having a baby, just about everything is unknown.  With pregnancy, labor, and delivery, you could be on your fifth kid and there will still be so many unknowns because every experience is different.  There are some women that will get through labor and delivery without any pain med at all and say it wasn’t so bad.  Some women need the pain relief and find it excruciating.  Every woman has a different pain tolerance.  For those women who do not want pain medication and go all natural, I have an enormous respect for you!  I wish I had been that strong, but for me it just was not going to happen.  For those of you who feel they want the pain relief, there is no shame in that.  If there are the resources available why suffer if it is unbearable for you.  Remember, you are the only one who know what you are feeling.  That being said, I just want to educate you a little bit further on your options and clear up a few misconceptions.

As with anything, before you move forward with something you should know all the facts.  Talking it out with your doctor or midwife to know your options is your first step.  If pain relief is something you are considering, you need to know what questions to ask. Here are a few questions to think about asking your doctor or midwife while considering any pain relief:

What are the different methods of pain relief available to me?

How will an epidural affect the baby?

Is there any instance I won’t be able to have an epidural?

What are the advantages and disadvantages to having an epidural?

What are any possible side effects?

What are the risks?

How is an epidural given?

How long before it begins to work?

Will it wear off?

Will I be able to move once the epidural is placed?

At what point of labor can I have an epidural?

Is it painful?

There are so many misconceptions about epidurals.  I am guilty of this myself.  I assumed so many things about epidurals going into my pregnancy when I couldn’t possibly have known.  I just want to discuss some of the things assumed about epidurals but aren’t ever really clarified.

The needle is humongous and is more painful than contractions.

This is false.  It is no more painful than having an IV inserted.  The most difficult thing about having an epidural is the possibility that you may have a contraction during the process and you must hold still.  The needle portion is about 1 minute, just long enough to insert the catheter, which is the size of pencil lead.  An epidural is inserted in your back, so for you to see the needle and know exactly what is going on back there is highly unlikely.  Make sure you breath through it, but truly the most painful part is possibly having a contraction during the process.

You are there for hours because you can’t feel anything and won’t be able to push.

Again, false.  Epidurals do help ease the pain, but they do not paralyze you.  You can feel the pressure that urges you to push.  One common thing I have found with other women’s experience, is they expect to feel absolutely nothing.  When the epidural is in and there is still a bit of discomfort, they ask for a higher dose because they are still in pain.  This is where the issue of not feeling comes in.  You wont completely feel nothing with an epidural.  If you know this going in, it will help.

You must wait until you are 5 to 7 cm before you can have an epidural.

This really depends on your doctor, but not likely.  You can ask at any point, normally around 3 cm you are able to have an epidural.  You can always ask!  One thing women don’t realize is that you are able to have the catheter placed and the medication later.  Having an epidural will help your body relax allowing your body to do what needs to be done.  For some women, they are in such pain and the anxiety is so high, the body can not relax to dilate and then there is complication.

I want to share my own experience, not to freak anyone out, but so you are aware of the reality of pain relief.  I went through an induction process so I had pain relief and medication.  I did have an epidural around 4-5 cm when I was brought down to delivery.  I absolutely could feel the sensation of needing to push when it came time.  As I was nearing the point of no return, my epidural wore off.  I want you to know this because there is no guarantee that an epidural will work 100%.  I will say I did not feel 1 contraction once I had the epidural, which, at least in my own experience, the contractions were worse than giving birth.  If you chose to have pain relief stay informed as much as you can.  Try not to blindly go in.  Ask questions, and keep an open mind.

Inducing Labor

What is inducing labor? One of the many questions I had during my pregnancy and delivery.  I never thought my delivery would go as it did, but then, that is the point about “What To Expect When It Isn’t Expected”.  I can not tell you exactly how your experience will go with an induction, but I can answer some questions that I have been asked about my own.  If nothing else it gives you a bit more knowledge.

What is an induced labor?

An induced labor is when your labor doesn’t start or progress on it’s own and you need the help of outside medications or methods to give birth.  

Is induced labor a guarantee?

No, in some cases inducing labor does not work.  If the baby is not ready to grace you with his or her presence, then an induction most likely won’t work.  When I was going through my induction I was very fortunate that each step went beautifully and the total process took 12 hours.  The girl in the room next to mine, unfortunately, had been going through her induction for a week and it was not progressing.  They were inducing her because of gestational diabetes but it was not terribly urgent for her to deliver as it was in my situation.  The poor thing was walking the halls and doing whatever she could to help the process.  It is important to know that know matter what, if the baby is not ready, the baby will not come naturally.

When is your labor induced?

There are a number of reasons and pregnancy complications that would lead you to an induced labor.

• Having a pregnancy complication, such as, preeclampsia, gestational hypertension, gestational diabetes, or kidney disease.
• Broken water with no contractions.  If you water has broken and labor does not follow you and your baby could be at risk of infection.  If there is a suspicion of infection, further testing will be done and your doctor or midwife will decide what is best for you and your baby.
• Your baby has stopped growing at a proper weight or is very overgrown.  Any feeling that your baby is at risk will lead to an induction or c-section.
• A lack of amniotic fluid around the baby.
• A placenta abruption, deterioration to the placenta or an insufficient placenta.
• Hitting the 42 week mark and no baby will usually lead to an induction.  You will be offered the option but some women do not opt for an induction which is totally fine as long as you and your baby are safe.  Waiting longer than 42 weeks can increase the risk of stillbirth or other medical problems so it is best to listen to your doctor or midwife and trust them.

How will my labor be induced?

There are a few different methods and medicines used for a labor induction.  I won’t lie to you, it can cause a bit of discomfort, but if it is what is best for you and your baby, you do what needs to be done.  The goal in an induction is to ripen the cervix, which means to get your cervix softened, thinned out, and beginning to dilate, and to begin labor.  Some methods and medication used to induce are: 

Prostaglandins -- If you are being induced but your cervix is not ripe, you'll begin the induction by having medication containing prostaglandins inserted into the vagina by the doctor or midwife at the hospital. This medication helps to dilate you and thin out the cervix.

Foley catheter -- You may have a catheter placed in the cervix.  The catheter has a small balloon that is not yet inflated at the end of it and is placed into your cervix. The balloon is inflated with water to puts pressure on the cervix helping the release of prostaglandins, this will cause the cervix to dilate and thin. When the cervix has dilated to about 5 cm it will fall out and be removed.

Rupturing the membranes (Breaking your water)-- If you're at least 4 to 5 cm dilated, but not showing much sign of progression, your doctor or midwife can insert an instrument that looks like a crochet needle through the cervix to break your amniotic sac. This looks like it will hurt and be uncomfortable, but it really isn’t.  It is no worse than having a vaginal exam.

Pitocin -- This is given through an IV drip to get contractions going.  In an induction once you have reached the point where you go down to the delivery room an epidural will be given if you decide you want one and Pitocin will be given through your IV.  For women who’s water does break but there is no progression, Pitocin is also given.  When your water breaks, most doctors or midwifes will want to deliver within 12 to 24 hours because the risk of infection for you and your baby increases the longer you go with a ruptured membrane.  The amount of Pitocin is adjusted as you start progressing.  I don’t want to deceive you, Pitocin will make the contractions come on very strong and they are painful.  In labor that start on it’s own there is a build, with Pitocin and it is WHAM! you are in labor.

In my own experience, all of these methods and medications were used together.  I was admitted and had the foley catheter done and medication also inserted to help in ripening the cervix.  Within a few hours the catheter fell out and I was having very strong contractions.  I was given some morphine for the pain to ease the contractions.  By this time I was in “inactive labor” for a week now.  This means contractions but no progression, going in I was about 3 cm dilated.  After the dose of morphine wore off I was brought down to delivery, given an epidural and the Pitocin started.  Shortly after, my water was broken, and a few hours later it was time to push.  I was vey fortunate and had a very successful induction.  It is so important to relax to help your body do what it needs to and help your baby relax.

Under what circumstances should my labor NOT be induced?

• If there is an indication that the contractions would be too much for your baby then you will most likely be brought in for a c-section.  It depends on the test results.
• Placenta previa, which is when the placenta blocks the exit for the baby.
• Your baby is breech (head up, feet down).
• You previously had a c-section. 
• You have genital herpes.
• You are having multiples.

I hope this helps inform you a bit about what inducing labor is and the procedure.  It can be scary, but I have to say, don’t be.  Most things about pregnancy and childbirth are unknown.  Whatever you endure is for your baby.  If you have any stories of your experience, questions or comments feel free to contact me at helpingmommytone@gmail.com!

Gestational Diabetes

A few days ago a girlfriend of mine went to the doctors to take a dreaded test... the glucose tolerance test.  The glucose tolerance test is done around the 26th to 28th week of pregnancy.  If your doctor has reason, such as history of diabetes or pre pregnancy weight being very high, the test will be done prior to the 13th week and repeated at 28 weeks.  A glucose tolerance test is done to see if you have gestational diabetes.  Some people think that if you have diabetes you are overweight.  That is not necessarily the case.  She only weighs 138 pounds at almost 30 weeks gestation.  She was asking me a slew of questions because it wasn’t clearly explained to her through her doctor and her first test came back a bit high.  She wanted to know: What exactly is gestational diabetes? Will this hurt the baby? Am I going to have diabetes after pregnancy? Do I need insulin? How did I get this? Do I need to lose weight? Am I going to be able to deliver the baby naturally? Could the test have been wrong!  With all these questions being asked by her, I figured many other women would have the same questions.  I know I did when I was pregnant and I learned from extensive research through my studies and doctors.  

Gestational diabetes is high blood sugar levels during pregnancy.  It is tested by getting a blood draw, drinking a sugary, syrupy substance, then waiting an hour and getting more blood drawn.  The body absorbs the glucose very quickly which causes the blood glucose levels to raise within the hour you are waiting.  The blood is taken to measure how well the body has processed this overdose of glucose.  Every state has a different “norm” for the blood glucose level.  Some state say if your number comes back less than 140mg/dL form the 1 hour glucose screening you are in the clear.  Where we are, the blood glucose level is supposed to be less than 130mg/dL.  If in the event your number comes back high, chances are your doctor or midwife will order to have a 3 hour glucose screening done.  The 3 hour test is a bit more intolerable than the 1 hour.  You must fast from midnight to when the test is done, you get blood drawn at the fasting point to see what the levels are, then drink, wait an hour and blood gets drawn again, then do this 2 more times.  Your office will give you the exact instructions if you need to do this screening.

There is no EXACT cause for gestational diabetes, but it is known that the placenta, which is a source of your baby’s growth, does alter the way your body uses insulin when you have gestational diabetes.  If your body can not properly use and create insulin then it can lead to greater issues like hyperglycemia.  

Gestational diabetes can cause harm to your baby IF it is not properly monitored with intense cases. With gestational diabetes, any extra glucose will go through the placenta.  This will give the baby high blood glucose levels causing the baby to have extra insulin, more than necessary for their little bodies to grow, it will store as fat, leading to an overweight baby.

For most women, you will be put on a strict diet to keep your numbers down and all is good.  You may or may not end up going in for an induction do keep the baby from getting too big.  It depends on your doctor or midwife and what they feel is best.  More than not, all is fine and you will have your gorgeous healthy baby at the proper gestation.  So many women mistake induction for a c-section, they are different, and just because you may be induced does not mean you need to have a section.

I hope this answered some of your questions and helps to keep you informed!  Stay healthy, eat right, exercise and enjoy being pregnant! From this point on, it is over before you know it.

For Mommas and Daddies!

At the time of conception you are in the starring role, from the time your partner sees those little blue lines you have been cast as a supporting actor.  Your job essentially for the next 9 months and on is to be support for your partner and baby.  Through the pregnancy and delivery it is crucial for your partner to know she can count on you for whatever she needs.  You will come to find out that what she needs may be outrageous,  and at times impossible but these are the joys of pregnancy.

For us women we have the normal fears and anxiety that come with being pregnant and delivering a baby.  We forget that it is equally as terrifying for you daddies.  I know now, after talking to my husband after the birth, about all the anxiety and fear he had as well, but never wanted to talk about because, well...if he did I would have ripped his head off.   I wanted to write about this for moms and dads.  I want all you expecting moms to understand that your partner is just as scared, nervous, and excited as you are.  It can be difficult to communicate about it because of all the discomfort, nerves and anxiety you may be having.  My husband never wanted to stress me out more or worry me by talking to me about how he was feeling.  I do wish he had, but I can understand now why he didn’t.  I was a bundle of nerves, super uncomfortable, sick, and he didn’t want me to worry about him on top of everything else.  As for you daddy-to-bes, it is okay not to be “the manly man” all the time.  Sharing how you are feeling, and trust me you will have A BUNCH of feelings, is totally fine.  You don’t need to have it together 100% of the time.  It is so important to talk these things out and communicate to each other how you are feeling.

Not all men will feel the same emotions upon the arrival of the baby.  I can only speak from my own experience with my husband.  Some fears he had were: 

Will I be able to support and provide for my family financially?  Will I be able to support her emotionally during her pregnancy, delivery, and entering motherhood?  Will I be a good support during delivery?

So many expecting dads have financial concerns.  Speaking from my own situation, no matter how comfortable we are, my husband is always worried about the finances and if there will be enough.  Also, with needing to work more to have more income to compensate for my lack of because I am now a stay at home mom he is always worried about not being there enough for me emotionally and to help take care of the baby.

To put your mind at ease, financially, things always seem to work themselves out.  Somehow you get what you need when you need it.  For us, we have a strong belief in God and that helps up through every struggle.  That isn’t for everyone and it is important to depend on each other and communicate with each other.  As far as him feeling bad for working rather than staying home with us... I prefer it this way.  Being home with the baby is my “job” you could say, best job in the world, but a job nonetheless. I always reassure him that he is helping me by going to work and keeping the income going.

Will I be a good dad?

I am not sure if every dad has this fear or not, but all the expecting dads I have spoken to most certainly do.  This doesn’t apply to everyone, but in some cases an expecting dad who doesn’t have the best relationship with his dad may have concerns about being a good dad to his own kids.  I believe there is a little piece in everyone that has this fear,  not for that reason necessarily, but becoming a parent is a huge deal.  You have now become responsible for this little human.  My husband and I had the overwhelming feeling that we never wanted to let our kids down and this made me and my husband both scared of entering parenthood.  In my husband’s case this fear came from his own upbringing, he was worried about letting his kids down the same way he was let down by his own parents.  The best way to deal with these feelings is to face that head on and decide to change it.  Rather than continue the pattern, change it.

How will having a baby affect my relationship?

The reality is it no longer is you and your partner.  You have a new member of the family that requires so much love and nurturing and for a little while your relationship won’t be first and foremost; however, it is important to set aside some time to spend just you and your partner.  Having a date night maybe once a week will be so beneficial to your relationship.

Aside from communicating which is key in your relationship, there are some things you can do together.  Mommas it is crucial to help your partner feel included.  Since dads are not carrying the baby they do not have the immediate bond you have. Daddies, it is so important to be there for your partners since there’s a lot she is going through from physical to emotional changes.  Here are some things you can do together and really make sure you are both equally involved.

• Go to prenatal visits together.  I wish my husband could have come to my prenatal visits and ultrasounds.  He was working so much and I didn’t realize how important it was to share the experience.  I always told him not to worry about it but looking back I wish we could’ve shared the experience.
• Plan for the baby together.  Go with your partner to baby shop and start up your registry together.  My husband and I would go just window shop all the time to look at everything and get ideas for the nursery or just to bond and share the excitement.
• Let him put together the baby items.  After my husband and I moved into our new place, I wanted to surprise him by getting everything done one day while he was at work.  I put together all the baby items, excluding the crib, and had the house set up by the time he got home.  I thought I was doing something nice for him so he wouldn’t have to worry about it, and though I was and he was super appreciative, looking back I realize how important it is for the daddy to have their nesting by putting together all the baby items.  Make it fun! Baby gear is tricky, take out the video camera and have fun doing it together.
• Workout together during pregnancy.  Come up with a routine for the two of you to help you both stay healthy, happy and give you some time together.
• Set aside some time for the bump.  When you are both done with your days and relaxing, play some music for the baby and interact with him or her.  Sing, talk, touch.  The baby hears you and knows you are there.  Just because the baby is not out of the womb yet doesn’t mean he or she isn’t aware of what is going on.  Babies are awfully smart and start to know Mommy and Daddy while cooking in the oven.  We used to play games with the baby.  We would play music for him and wait for him to start kicking, once he was kicking we would tickle his feet and he would kick back, without fail.
• Plan the nursery together.  Prepare all the little details of the nursery together.  Pick out colors, decals, lamp shades, every detail.

Do your best to enjoy every moment and all that comes with it.  Pregnancy is not always joyous but keep every minute as a blessing.  Remember to be sensitive to each other.  You are both entering into the unknown and must work together to help each other get through.  Cherish the good times and embrace the difficult and use it to strengthen your relationship.  Remember, it goes fast, enjoy each day together, even when you are ready to strangle each other.

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Rest Up Momma!

          There are many women that experience bed rest during pregnancy whether for a week or 3 months.  I was one of the “lucky ducklings” that was put on bed rest.  I had a few mommas e-mail me questions about my experience and if I found bed rest really helped.  I am going to start off by telling you that though I was prescribed bed rest, I did take occasional breaks.  Majority of the time I was not up and about, whether laying or sitting I was resting, but I would go for ride in the car just to get out and get some fresh air.  Research has not shown enough evidence that bed rest is beneficial for you and your baby; however, there isn’t research enough to prove that is isn’t.  Due to my experience with bed rest and my medical background, I just want to educate you a bit on bed rest.  I know so many expecting moms are faced with this and my hope is to let you know some pros, cons, risks, and benefits.

          Bed rest may be prescribed for the following reasons:
Pregnancy Induced Hypertension/Preeclampsia/Toxemia - For these conditions the only real cure is delivery.  I experience preeclampsia myself and thankfully had reached 37 weeks and was able to deliver.  If you have not reached the 37 week mark a doctor or midwife may prescribe bedrest so they can keep close watch on you.
Placenta Complications:
-Placenta Previa - When a woman has placenta previa this means the placenta has blocked the cervix not allowing the baby to exit.  Placenta previa can correct itself in some cases, but women may be put on bed rest to keep the pressure off the placenta and cervix.
-Placenta Abruption - This is when the placenta begins to separate form the uterine wall prior to delivery.
Cervical Insufficiency -  Cervical insufficiency means your cervix has begun dilating and effacing before your baby is full term and ready for delivery. With this condition there are no normally no symptoms.  Bed rest takes the pressure of your growing baby off the cervix.
Preterm Labor - If you are in preterm labor your body is ready to deliver the baby before the baby has reached full term.  There are many factors that can increase your risk of preterm labor such as:
-Smoking
-Alcohol Abuse
-Drug Abuse
-Health Conditions- preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, infections, blood clotting disorders
-History of preterm labor
-Having twins or multiple babies
-In vitro pregnancy
If you begin to experience contractions that are 10 minutes apart consistently, backache, increased vaginal pressure, cramping, gush of fluid, or any bleeding call your doctor or midwife because these are possible signs of preterm labor.

          By reducing activity and being put on bed rest there is a hope that the risk of preterm delivery or pregnancy complications will be reduced.  There are risks that can develop while on bed rest such as: blood clots, depression, anxiety, decreased birth-weight of your baby, difficulty delivering due to weakened bones and muscles, and slower recovery after birth.

          If you are prescribed bed rest you want to make sure you are getting a full explanation of what bed rest means to your doctor.  There are different degrees of bed rest so make sure you are asking the appropriate questions to be sure you are getting the proper information.  To keep yourself in the know here are some good questions you could ask your doctor or midwife.  What reasons are you recommending bed rest?  What degree of bed rest is appropriate?  What are the benefits for my baby and me? Do the benefits outweigh the risks?  What are some potential issues from bed rest for my baby and for me?  How long will I be on bed rest?  Can I do normal household chores? Can I take care of my other kids?  Is it best to lie on one side over the other?  Is it alright to continue sexual activity? If so, are certain positions safer than others?  If you don’t feel your questions have been answered to your satisfaction or feel uneasy it can not hurt to get a second opinion.

          Some research has shown that resuming your everyday activity to a lesser degree would be more beneficial for you than strict bed rest.  As I said before there are different degrees of bed rest.  Bed rest for a few hours a day while still resuming other activities to a lesser degree, bed rest which confines you to only activity in the home, and bed rest which means you are in bed only.  It is up to you and your doctor or midwife but make sure you feel comfortable with the decisions made.

           If you are prescribed bedrest and are limited to little or no activity it can be extremely difficult mentally.  It is important to give yourself some ways to pass the time productively, otherwise you will go insane.  I found myself going nuts throughout the day because I was alone and unable to drive or do anything.  Thank God for candy crush!  Have some friends come over and keep you company, even if just for an hour to watch a movie, it will make a big difference.  Use the time to bond with your baby, play music for him or her and talk to your baby, he or she can hear everything and is getting to know you.  Take the time to learn a new hobby like knitting.  Keep a journal of all your experiences, when the baby moves, how the baby reacts to certain things.

In my own experience I found bed rest to be both helpful but also not.  As I said before it is what you and your doctor or midwife decide and what is best for you and your baby.  I hope this helped educate you a bit about bed rest.  If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at helpingmommytone@gmail.com.

Rise Above It

          About two weeks ago I was on Facebook and my husband and I are both friends with people from our childhood.  I stumbled upon a nasty status about pregnancy from someone who was thought to be a friend of ours.  Following this, I went on twitter, to see the same.  Nasty tweets about pregnancy from people who were thought to be our friends.  Every single day I get negativity directed at me because I am only 21 and have a baby.  If I had a nickel for how many times a day I see statuses posted about young mothers and how “wrong” it is, I would be a millionaire.  Not only is there negativity out in the world, but also in the home where it is supposed to be safe.  Families can be the most judgmental and cruel when needed the most.

           I want to write about this because I know how it feels to constantly have negativity thrown your way while trying to find the positives in a situation.  It is a taboo but the reality is, not everyone is thrilled when they find out they are pregnant because it is marred by all the negativity out there, even in families.  I can only speak about my own situation to let you know you are not alone.

When my husband and I found out we were pregnant the first time we were 19.  Naturally, it was not ideal.  In telling our families, mine was a bit upset at first.  Not because we were having a baby, but because good parents know how much having a baby changes your life.  They knew that our lives would be changed forever and they knew all the sacrifice and struggle it would take initially for us to get on your feet.  When we told his family, the response we got was very surface and followed by the statement, “I hope you can do it.”  By the time my family came around to us having a baby, we had a miscarriage.

Six months after our miscarriage, we found out we were pregnant again.  The history behind me and getting pregnant is, well, I should not have been able to, according to 7 different doctors.  After my miscarriage I was told I would not be able to have children and if I did it would be through a painful invasive process.  They were incredibly wrong because not only was I pregnant twice in one year, but somehow managed to rise above those things we like to call birth control.

Naturally we were nervous to tell our families because we had been down this road once before and some of the reactions we got were unsupportive, judgmental, and inconsiderate.  My family was incredibly helpful and supported us no matter what happened.  We weren’t so lucky to have the same from some of his family.  We went to a family party for his family where we were greeted with the statement, “You guys are going to have a big family because you don’t know how to use birth control.”  Not to get into details but such an unnecessary comment when you have no idea what you are talking about.  Birth control doesn’t always work...but I digress.  It was this kind of negativity that lasted through my pregnancy and still continues.

            I am telling you this because I found it so hard to move passed this negativity when even the family was a part of it.  People say to me all the time, “You are throwing your life away.”  At first I would actually question myself, and during the pregnancy I actually felt embarrassed about being seen because I am so young and felt like I had to justify myself.  For any other momma who feels this way you must know that what people say does not matter.  The biggest accomplishment in life is birthing a baby.  I look at it as an honor that I got to bring this gorgeous baby into the world and am blessed with the task of raising him.  

            Every baby is a blessing, no matter what the circumstances from the minute that baby’s heart starts beating you are blessed with caring for this little human.  It is truly one of the most remarkable things in this world.  We have enough things that are negative in this world.  You must take the positives and hold onto them.  No one can take this away from you.  Hold your head strong and be the best mom you can be for your little one.  I find when the negativity comes your way, silence is best because what those people have to say does not matter and you are doing something far greater than they can ever know.  If you were “fortunate” enough to have in-laws like I do, the best advice I can give, is rise above it.  Your family becomes you, your partner, and your new baby.  You owe no response to anyone, including family. 

           As a good friend of mine in a similar situation said, “You will learn, in time, that you don't need to defend yourself or justify your decisions to anyone. Just focus on your baby and make a life for yourself. People will always have something to say. Ignore them, unless their opinion is of value to you. I felt like I had to prove myself to everyone. Turns out the only one I needed to prove anything to was myself. All moms, regardless of their age, are just doing the best they can. There isn't any one "right" way to do things...including the order in which you go to school/get married/have babies. That being said, it doesn’t hurt to go big and prove everyone wrong anyway.”  She could not be more right.  Live your own life and enjoy your beautiful family.

What About Prenatal Depression?

        Morning y’all! I want to talk about something that seems to be swept under the rug, prenatal depression.  Prenatal depression was never mentioned to me through my pregnancy by any doctor or midwife.  I went to the doctor the day my son was born because I hadn’t felt any fetal movement for almost 24 hours, naturally I was a little anxious.  Being sick for 9 months with hyperemisis, little to no sleep and other health issues, 3 weeks away from my due date, you could say I was a little on edge.  I had huge dark circles under my eyes, I was a nervous wreck because no movement was far form the norm for my baby boy, and let’s not forget I had been throwing up everything I ate for 9 months.  I was on the table with my mom in the room getting an exam to see how far dilated I was, and my doctor asks me...”are you depressed?”  Now!? You ask me now when I am 3 weeks away from my due date and have been going through this for 9 months!  Mind you I was high risk so since 16 weeks gestation I had been at the doctor every 2 weeks for my prenatal visits.  Needless to say, I was not happy.  She followed that statement with...”I just want to make sure I am not missing anything.” Depressed I was not, ready for the pregnancy to be over, I was.  I am telling you this because it absolutely floored me that 3 weeks away from my due date after seeing me every 2 weeks for 9 months suffer I was asked this.  I was not upset that I was being asked if I was depressed, I was upset and shocked that I was being asked this so late in the game.  If the doctor wanted to make sure she wasn’t missing anything, she would have asked at the first signs of me seeming off to what she was normally used to, rather than letting it go for 9 months.

I feel it is so important that you be your own advocate and pay close attention to your body.  Talking to your partner about any changes you may be having is really helpful also because an outside perspective can always see things that perhaps you can’t.  There are a few reasons you may be at higher risk for prenatal depression.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you will experience it but some reasons it is a possibility are:

• complicated pregnancy

-bedrest

-genetic testing

-prior health issue

• history of depression or anxiety
• prior miscarriage
• financial and job concerns
• relationship problems
• unplanned pregnancy

If you fit any of the above, you are at risk for prenatal depression.  That is not to say that  you can’t have prenatal depression if these things haven’t happened to you  Also, just because these may describe you doesn’t mean you will have prenatal depression.  Some symptoms to look out for may be:

• emptiness or sadness
• irritability
• lack of sleep
• too much sleep
• lack of concentration
• guilt
• panic attacks

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms contact your doctor or midwife.  Make sure you talk to them about how you are feeling.  Emotional health is equally as important as your physical health during pregnancy.  Be your own advocate and make sure you express to your doctor or midwife exactly what is going on and how you are feeling.  Depression can be environmental in some cases.  Most of the time it is a biochemical condition so it can be difficult to avoid.  In those instances that the depression is environmental, there are a few ways you can help in preventing prenatal depression, such as:

• Spend time with your partner
• Talk to your partner or counselor about any fears or anxiety you may be having
• Yoga classes or some form of meditation
• Have a healthy and nutritious diet
• Try your best to get out of the house
• Pamper yourself

For women who do have prenatal depression, know you are absolutely not alone.  Make sure you speak to your doctor or midwife right away to work on some ways you can deal with this.  I hope this helps in letting you know it can happen and does for one in eight women.  Stay informed and keep yourself in the loop with what is going on with your own body.

Daddy Dearest!

Today I am going to talk to all you expecting daddies.  It seems that in the midst of all the physical and mental changes your ladies are going through, you are easily forgotten.  Mommas get to feel all the aches, pains, nausea, leg cramps, flutters, kicks, and growth of the baby, this makes it physically real to women.  For men, it doesn’t work that way; however, men do go through changes during the pregnancy whether they realize or not.  There is something I am sure you have heard called “sympathy pains” that dads-to-be experience.  Some of the these sympathy pains dads experience are: anxiety, nausea, mood swings, weight gain, toothaches, backaches, headaches, and leg cramps.

The first sympathy pain I want to talk about it is weight gain.  I am sure your partner may be experiencing those pregnancy cravings...so naturally you have to eat along side her during those midnight snacks; however, there is a bigger reason for the weight gain you daddies may be experiencing.  Men become very stressed when expecting a baby, whether conscious or subconscious.  Your life is about to change completely and unfortunately men were not blessed with the gift of being able to feel that change physically.  Due to the high stress levels happening to your body, a hormone called cortisol is released.  Cortisol is the “stress hormone”.  It is a tricky little devil because it is what regulates insulin and blood sugar levels in your body.  It is the deviant that causes the weight gain you might be experiencing.  Cortisol increases your appetite and sugar cravings, thus, cause you weight gain.  It binds to receptors in the brain (hypothalamus) and causes you to eat food in high fat and sugar content leading you directly to a bigger size pant.  Know that if this is something you are experiencing, you are not alone.  To counter this, exercise in is the best medicine.  Release those endorphins, reducing your stress, bringing you back to your normal pant size.

If you are feeling extra moody this can also be from the weight gain.  When you gain weight, your body creates more fat tissue, leading your testosterone to become estrogen.  This is the culprit behind and mood swings and nausea you may be having.  Isn’t pregnancy great?

For all those aches and pains you may be having during the pregnancy, be comforted to know that according to studies, they are most likely in your head.  Because of the feelings your partner is having, you physically want to feel this too.  The mind is a very fun thing and can actually trick you into having similar pains as described by your partner.  For women during pregnancy, let’s face it...we are not the most sympathetic to whatever aches and pains your man may think he’s having.  To add to that, men don’t feel needed during the pregnancy...”woe is me”...so you may be finding yourself in competition (subconsciously) with your partner.

As I said before, exercise is the best thing to get your spirits up.  It would be really nice if you and your partner could come up with a workout plan together, even if it is just taking a simple walk together, it will make a huge difference.  Also, keep the lines of communication open.  If you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed talk to your partner about it.  Though us women can be unapproachable at time while pregnant, be sure to express how you are feeling.  I must warn you though, never start with “I don’t feel well” or “My *insert body part here* hurts!” Because you will get your head ripped off.  On that note, it is crucial you tell your partner about the fears and anxiety you may be feeling throughout the pregnancy.  It is totally normal to feel this way! Put the baby clothes, nursery paint chips and infant gear aside and go have a date night.  Do your best to make it about each other.

Hope this helps you mommas deal with your partners while they go through their pregnancy changes, and I hope this helps all you daddies to be on your journey to fatherhood!

Blue Or Pink, What Do You Think?

 Morning ladies!  What I am going to talk about today I was very hesitant to post at first.  I received an email from an expecting mom last night that read “How do I deal with the disappointment that I am having a boy?  I feel like a horrible mom because I have a healthy baby and all I can think about is how badly I wanted a girl.  I am not sure what to do.”  After reading this email I was incredibly hesitant to respond publicly because it would mean I would have to admit that I too had this same feeling.  When I found out I was pregnant with my first pregnancy we found out late enough that we knew we were having a baby girl.  I was beyond thrilled.  Unfortunately, after losing my first baby I was faced with the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to have any children according to different doctors.  After finding out my husband and I were pregnant again we could not have been happier.  Due to the fact that I was high risk, I had more ultrasounds than the average.  I had an ultrasound at 16 weeks where I was told I was having a girl, then, at 18 weeks I was in the hospital with kidney stones and had an ultrasound done on my kidneys.  The tech was so sweet and took a look at the baby to lift my spirits and again I was told I was having a baby girl.  Two weeks later I went in for my anatomy ultrasound and there was so much kicking happening it was hard to get a glimpse of anything! So tentatively I was told girl again.  Needless to say, after 3 confirmations that I was having a girl I went pink crazy.  My entire registry was pink, my husband and I bought little girl clothes, we had the names picked out and got things engraved, and we had the nursery all planned out.  At 26 weeks, I went in for one of those really awesome 3D ultrasounds.  When I went in I was asked if I knew what I was having and I said yes and we proceeded.  As we proceeded the tech said “He looks great.”  I was in absolute shock!  After this I went home and I cried.  My mind was so set on having a baby girl that I couldn’t see that boy or girl I had a beautiful healthy baby growing inside me.  I felt depressed at the thought of having a boy and it pains me to even type this because I am so in love with my son, but at the time I had this overwhelming anxiety about having a boy and believe it or not I was actually disappointed.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was not alone in feeling this way. I felt like the worst mother in the world and could not understand how I was actually disappointed when I had this gorgeous baby in my belly.  I want any mom who has this anxiety to know that you are not alone.  What I can tell you is, when you have that baby in your arms you won’t be worried about boy or girl.  Pray for a happy and healthy baby.  That is what is important.  To quote a good friend of mine who was with me in dealing with my disappointment, “it is an instant love affair.”  There is nothing in the world like holding that beautiful baby boy or girl and you will know when you are there.  I am more in love with my son than I could ever imagine.  He is a blessing from God and I was not meant to be a mom to a little girl right now.  Maybe in the future, but for now God gave me a beautiful, healthy and happy baby boy.  Take what you have been given as a blessing from God.  It is okay to feel slight disappointment at first but don’t dwell on it too much because what is important is that you have a happy, healthy baby.

I hope this helped you a little bit.  Believe me when I tell you, holding that baby is the most amazing thing in the world and nothing else will matter from that point on.

To Breast Or Not To Breast...That Is The Question

Good afternoon mommas! Over the last few days I have received quite a few e-mails form expecting moms asking about breastfeeding.  The question most asked was "what is the difference between nursing and pumping expressed milk?"  I myself both pump and direct nurse.  Ultimately it is whatever works for you and your baby, whether that be nursing, expressed breastmilk or formula.  For those mommas who chose not to breastfeed, that is totally okay! We are so lucky to have the science and technology out there to allow companies to continue perfecting formulas to fit our babies!  For those of you who are considering breastfeeding or are already, I am going to give you some pros and cons about nursing versus pumping and some tips to help with any concerns or questions you may have.

Before I had my son I was absolutely terrfied of breastfeeding.  I "what if-ed" myself to death.  What if I don't produce enough? What if my son won't latch? What if it is really painful? The list goes on. To start off, the stress and anxiety moms have about breastfeeding will make it more difficult for you to feed because your baby will sense that and it will decrease your milk supply.  First things first, try your best to be relaxed about what you chose to do.  Since we are speaking strictly about breastmilk, you should know that breastmilk is Vitamin D deficiant.  As a solution, I put a drop of vitamin D in my son's milk once a day or give him the drop directly if I am nursing.  You can find Enfamil Vitamin D drops in your local drugstore.

Here are some pros and cons about each to help give you some guidance.

Pros about pumping breastmilk:

If you are out with your baby you do not have to go find a discrete place to feed and be worried about judgemental people.  I can't understand why, but there are many people that find it offensive when you are out in public and need to nurse your baby.  Some places even have strict rules about nursing.  It does not make sense to me, but out of respect for those who take offense it is nice to have a bottle at the ready.

Someone else will be able to feed the baby at any point in the day.  This will allow you to get a nap in or if the baby is sleeping through the night, you can wake up your partner to feed the baby so you can get some extra rest.  

Since I both pump and direct feed, I love that when my husband is home he can feed our son so I can go get something to eat, take a shower, or tidy up.  Having the pumped milk in a bottle also gives your partner the chance to bond in some way with the baby and helps your partner feel more involved.  My husband is the type to have a hand in everything and it definitely helps that he can feed the baby.  It gives them some time together and it makes my husband feel much more included.

If you are going back to work, you can set a schedule and pump in the bathroom or a back room at work.  This way the baby will still be able to get your milk. We are so fortunate with how progressed the breast pumps have become.  Mine is the Medela "on the go tote." It is a tote bag which you can store all your bottles, brushes, and soaps in along with anything you need for the baby.  It also comes with a little case that hold a specific ice pack and 4 bottles of milk. It's very discrete, quick and easy.

I am not sure if all women experience this, but I found nursing to be extremely painful.  The baby has a much harder suction than the breast pump so you will find a pump to be much easier on your nipples.  I know many of my girlfriends and my own mom said how painful it was nursing.  If you are experiencing a difficult time with cracked, dry or sore nipples I highly recommend using lanolin.  It is perfectly safe for your baby and truly helps.  I use the medela lanolin or the lansinoh lanolin.  Both are great products it is whatever your preference is.

Pumping is much faster than nursing.  You never want to rush your baby while they are eating or get impatient because they will sense that.  If pumping, you want to pump 15 to 20 minutes per pumping and you can do both breasts at the same time.  Some women just don't have the time to sit with their baby for 45 minutes to an hour every 2 to 4 hours with all that needs to get done around the house.

With pumping, the amount of milk is measured.  You will know exactly how much your baby is getting.  I found this to be a huge plus because I know exactly when I need to burp him to avoid from projectile vomitting or even just a little bit of spit up and when his pediatrcian asks me how much is he eating, I have an exact answer.

You will always have a back supply if your supply weakens at points or if you want to go out and have a few drinks, you have reserves at the ready.

Cons about pumping breastmilk:

Pumping milk is a bit more taxing on the body.  You have created a little more work for youself if you are pumping and alone with the baby.  You will have to feed your baby then express your milk or vice versa.

Washing the bottles is time consuming and can become a pain in the neck if you don't stay on top of it.  I find using the proper bottle brushes and a soap specific to washing bottles makes it a bit easier, but still time consuming.  Just a tip in washing bottles, using a soap specific to bottles makes a huge difference versus using Palmolive.  The way the soap suds and sticks to the bottles is very different.  Bottle soap such as Dapple is created to sud different and won't leave a film on the inside of the bottle.

For that morning feed, when you are still exhausted, having to get up and go to the fridge and warm up the bottle probably isn't what you want to do first thing in the morning.

There are some expenses associated with pumping that are not with nursing.  Most of the pumping equipment comes with the pump but you will need extra bottles and some relacement pieces such as, nipples, rims for the bottles and membranes for the pump.  If your baby doesn't like the bottles that come with the pump (Medela bottles) you will need to try out different ones which can also cost a little.

Depending on the bottle you are using the baby can have a higher air intake with a bottle rather than a breast.  This depends on the bottle used.  Us moms are so lucky they have come out with bottles like Tommie Tippie which are made to prevent gas and colic.  I use these and have been successful in my experience.

You won't have as much bonding time unless you make an effort to have that skin to skin contact with your baby.

Pros about nursing:

You have a complete bond with your baby.  You won't have to set aside specific time for skin to skin contact because you and your baby will get it with every feed.

No bottles to wash!  You save the 10 to 15 minutes it takes waashing the bottles and parts for the breast pump, which in mommy time, 10 to 15 minutes makes a huge difference!  That could be a quick power nap!

There is a very minimal expense.  You would only need to buy nursing covers for when nursing in public.

You do not need to worry about the temperature of the milk because it is direct.  With bottle feeding it is super important to have the bottle at the right temperature because it can cause the baby to have an upset stomach if too hot or too cold.

When in doubt, whip it out! If the baby is fussing and crying you just take out your breast and calm down the baby rather than having to wait to get the milk and warm it up escalating the baby to a much higher degree of anger.

Cons about nursing:

Direct nursing is much more time consuming.  It could take up to an hour for some babies versus 20 minutes.

Unfortunately, dealing with judgemental people is a con.  As I stated before, I can't understand it, but there are many people out there who don't want to see mother's breastfeeding their baby.  

You have to be with the baby at all times.  There is no quick running to the store or anything.  As long as you are direct feeding you must be at the ready.

Your partner will not be able to share in the experience of feeding.  For some, like my husband, it can create some sadness and disconnect because they don't feel as needed by the baby.

As I said before, I found my experience very painful! The baby is much more intense than a pump.

If all your baby knows is breast it can make the weening transition much more difficult.  If the baby is introduced to a bottle and breast from the very beginning the baby is less likely to be opinionated about what he or she is getting.

I hope this helps a bit if you are trying to decide what to do.  If you having any questions, comments or concerns please contact me! I am here to listen and guide. I can't stress enough, do not hesitate!  Thanks so much for reading!